


I Know That I Love You

by Rosalynd



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dancing, Hugs, I Love You, Kissing, M/M, Madly In Love, Making Love, Passion, Secret love, Secrets, deeply in love, emotional janus, passionate love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:00:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28594377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosalynd/pseuds/Rosalynd
Summary: Not every night, but every other night, Janus and Patton would meet in secret. They loved each other so wholly and dearly, but they knew they could not let the other sides find out. However, it was beginning to get harder and harder to keep it that way as their hearts ached more and more upon having to leave each other.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Moceit
Comments: 13
Kudos: 32





	1. The Ache of Our Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> CW: There is a mention of making love, but nothing descriptive, hence why I have not rated this fic mature.

Not every night, but every other night, Patton would make his way outside when the others were asleep. 

In the Mind Palace, there was a building where the sides lived and their respective rooms were. It was bigger on the inside than it appeared on the outside. 

Outside, there was a garden. They all had a part in designing it.

Opposite their building, was another building. You could call it the “dark side”, but it was more for the sides that were not entirely welcomed in everyday life. Despite Janus having been accepted by Patton and partially by Thomas, he wasn't so welcome that he could hang around 24/7. 

Patton walked halfway to this other side, waiting on a lovely dark wood bench with roses all around of different colours. 

“Patton?” He heard a loud whisper calling.

“I’m here.” Patton said, standing up and smiling in the direction of the voice. He then saw Janus come around the corner of some hedging, staff in hand. When he saw Patton, he also smiled. 

His staff disappeared from his hand, dissolving into smoke, and he started off walking towards Patton at a brisk pace. Patton did the same.

They collided, wrapping their arms tightly around each other and kissing with the strength of unfaltering love.

The other sides couldn’t know about this. As much as Patton hated lying, he knew he couldn’t let them know. He also knew that he could not contain his love for Janus. 

Janus was lovely. Although at first he appeared to be a scooby-doo villain, he was not like that at all. He comforted Patton when he needed it, he was there for him and knew when to defend him. Yes, he was rather sassy, but that is what made Patton laugh. He shared the same goofy humour as him, and they both made a perfect team for Thomas. Janus also became flustered easily, despite the air of confidence that he exuded. Patton found this so adorable.

Janus also knew he could not tell the others, nor could he hold back his love for Patton either. Patton was so kind and loving. His hugs were the warmest that he had ever felt, they made him practically melt. Once, he found himself staying in a hug with him for 20 minutes, and afterwards, he had felt very foolish indeed despite Patton’s protests. He was caring and thoughtful, and much more intelligent than the others gave him credit for. 

“I missed you.” Patton breathed when they pulled away slightly.

“How I missed your warmth; it is awfully cold in the dark side.” Janus said, then kissing Patton’s forehead.

Patton returned the gesture with a kiss to the corner of his mouth. He then hummed as he hugged Janus strongly, and they stood in a hug for about a minute.

“Shall we go?” Patton said finally, pulling away and grabbing his hand. Janus nodded.

They walked left for a little while until they came to another building. This building was conjured by Patton and Janus. It only had a bedroom inside. It was their secret.

This was their time to spend together and express all of the love the had inside for each other. Sometimes they lay down and snuggled for hours, sometimes falling asleep in each other’s arms, although they had to be wary about sleeping the whole night - they could not risk a side finding out either of them were missing. Sometimes they sat on the bed and chatted about various things, giving each other advice and sharing a laugh. Sometimes they made love. On this night, that is what they did.

They kissed fully and passionately, both men gasping at their touches and caresses. 

It was an absolute release of tension for both of them; a night where they could indulge in their desires. They did not worry about what the others would say because they were alone. It felt like they were the only two sides that resided in the mind palace.

At the end of it, they both were holding each other close. Janus was resting his head on Patton’s chest and Patton was resting his on his head.

Patton kissed the top of his head, making Janus look up. They kissed briefly. “I love you.” Patton said.

“I love you.” Janus responded.

Shortly after, they both returned to their normal outfits and made their way back to the bench with the colourful roses.

“I will see you soon.” Patton said. “Bye, lovey.”

“Bye, sunflower.” They shared a slow kiss.

Patton turned and began to walk away.

“Uh-sunflower!” Janus called. Patton turned. “Just before you leave...um…” He walked to Patton again.

“What is it, lovey?” 

“I keep getting too nervous to ask you this...but...w-would you dance with me?” 

He saw Patton’s face light up. “I would love to!”

Janus put a hand on Patton’s shoulder, and Patton put his arm around Janus. They both held each other’s hands, then began to slowly dance in the silence with only the wind to accompany them.

Janus was trembling and blushing. Patton took his hand and spun him around, then he giggled. 

“This is fun!” He exclaimed. Janus flashed his teeth in his smile, realising that Patton’s giggling was infectious.

“Patton...I don’t think that there is anywhere else I would rather be than here with you.” He said softly. Patton’s face softened and he brought Janus closer to him.

“I...I worry that the other sides will think I’m mad if they ever found out how much I love you. I know that in my heart, my love for you is genuine...and it fills my heart so much that sometimes, I want to cry.”

“Oh, Patton…” Janus said, his voice catching as tears brimmed in his eyes.

“Don’t you start crying, you’ll make me cry.” Patton’s lip wobbled as tears welled up in his eyes.

They stared at each other’s weak faces for a second, then hugged each other tightly.

“I wish I could spend the night with you.” Janus said. “I...I don’t want to let you go.”

“Maybe sometime soon, okay? I promise.” Patton replied. He couldn’t risk the sides coming in without knocking, because they sometimes did that. Neither Janus nor Patton was prepared to explain their relationship anytime soon. And they didn’t know what sort of lie could explain why they were sharing a bed otherwise.

They tightly held each other, savouring that warmth.

Eventually, they pulled away and looked at each other. Patton saw the tears rolling down Janus’ face.

“No more tears, okay?” He said, wiping Janus’ face with his thumbs.

Janus smiled. “Okay.” He said softly. “Good night, my love.”

“Good night.” 

They kissed briefly, then began to walk away, holding each other’s hand for as long as they could as they did so, then they turned away. They were on their own once more.

Despite Patton’s order, Janus sobbed on the way back, his breaths gasping. It was a slightly cold night, so his throat started to ache almost as much as his heart did. He had never felt a love like Patton’s. So full and pure. Janus couldn’t handle it sometimes. He just wanted to be cocooned in the warmth of Patton.

Patton did not cry anymore, but he did feel an ache in his heart as he made his way back. He observed how cold he felt, which reminded him of how warm he was when he was holding Janus against him.

They may see each other every other night, but it was frightening every time they left each other. Every night could be their last night seeing each other if another side caught Patton in a lie, or caught Janus off guard.

It wasn’t easy keeping it a secret.

Both sides lay in their bed that night, staring out of their window, wondering about the other’s well-being.

_ I hope Janus keeps warm… _

_ I hope Patton isn’t too lonely... _

Then onto the next day, where they both had to act like this night did not happen, where they would hide the fact that their hearts were aching.


	2. The Euphoria of Waking Up Next to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus and Patton take a risk, but it's a risk that leaves them both feeling incredibly happy.

The night had come for Janus and Patton to meet again.

Patton made his way to the bench, and when he got closer, he saw that Janus was already there. He looked upset.

“Hi, lovey! Is everything alright?” Patton asked as he walked up to him. 

Janus turned upon hearing his voice, and when Patton stopped in front of him, he held his face and kissed him. Patton melted into the kiss, wrapping his arms around him. It was lovely, but having Janus not immediately greet him verbally made him more certain that something was wrong.

And when he pulled away, his concerns were confirmed. Janus’ face was a mixture of desperation and sadness. Patton reached his hands up and held his wrists.

Janus, still clutching his face, looked into his eyes desperately, and said, “I need to be with you. Can I sleep with you in your bed tonight?”

Patton’s mood dropped a little. “It’s so risky-“

“Please, sunflower.” Janus pleaded.

Patton’s eyebrows dropped in worry and he looked away, searching for the answer. He looked back at him.

“Okay. But we need to be careful.”

“Oh, thank you, sunny, thank you!!” Janus exclaimed, kissing him hard. When he pulled away, Patton let out a little giggle, then held Janus’ elbows.

“Let’s sink out into my room instead of walking through the house. That way we can bypass the worry of too many footsteps.”

Janus nodded. “Okay.” 

He pulled his hands away from his face, and they held hands as they began to head to the light side building.

They got close, but not too close in case a side was looking out from a window. 

Patton continued to hold Janus’ hand to help him sink up in the right spot since he had never been in his room before.

They sank out.

Janus was immediately hit with a homely smell. It was a comforting, nostalgic smell. He immediately felt a happiness in his heart and some tension leave his shoulders. It was bright and filled with toys, books and pictures.

A smile came to his face as he looked around. 

“You like it?” Patton asked. “Sorry, it’s a little messy.”

“I love it.” Janus breathed, slowly beginning to take a few steps to continue admiring his lover’s room.

After a few silent moments, he turned and looked at Patton. “Thank you for letting me in here.”

“Of course. If it were easier, I would have brought you a long time ago.” Patton giggled. 

“Oh!” Patton suddenly exclaimed, rushing to the door, bringing Janus out of his stupor. “Gotta lock the door.” There was a click as he turned the lock, then he stood back upright, facing Janus. “Just in case.”

Patton then slowly started to walk back to his bed. “We should have a plan in case one of them wants to see me.”

“They see you during the night?”

“Well, sometimes.” Patton said, sitting down on the edge. “Virgil may have a nightmare, and so will ask me to calm him down, Logan’s mind might be racing and he might need someone to talk to to help him quieten his brain…”

Janus smiled. “Sounds like you’re like a rock to them.” He said softly as he walked to the bed. When he got there he sat next to Patton.

“...yeah. I am their father figure figment after all.” Patton was looking down, smiling. Janus brought his hand up and held the far side of his face, kissing his temple lovingly. When he pulled away, Patton turned to look at him and they locked eyes for a moment. Then Patton closed the gap between their lips. After a moment, he shifted so he could deepen the kiss a little and wrapped his arms around Janus. Janus did the same.

“Hey-no-!” Patton started, but his speech being cut off with quick kisses from Janus. “You’re distracting me from what I was saying!” Janus stopped kissing him, but kept his hands on his shoulders. “We need a plan in case a side wants to come in.”

“Oh right. Well, when they knock, how about I just sink out back into my bedroom? It will be an abrupt departure, but I guess that is just what we’ll have to do.” Janus looked a little upset.

“I’m sorry it has to be this way, lovey.”

“Maybe we could try telling them.” Janus said suddenly.

Patton sighed. “I do really want to tell them…I’m just terrified of what they’ll say about you. They might be convinced that you manipulated me or lied to me- oh gosh, I can’t bear to think of you in such a horrid way.” Patton put a hand to his mouth, becoming upset imagining the love of his life slandered in such a way.

“It’s understandable.” Janus said sadly. “I’ve made so many mistakes in the past…” Patton then put a hand to his face and made him look at him. He caressed the scale side of Janus’ face. This made Janus close his eyes and hold his hand. Patton then bumped their foreheads. “We’ll figure it out. We make a good team after all.”

Janus let out a laugh. “Yes, we do. If only the others could see that.”

There was a moment of silence, then Janus sighed. “Oh, sunflower…” he said as he wrapped his arms around him and buried his head in his chest. “I am so glad to be here with you.”

Patton returned the hug and put his face in Janus’ shoulder. “Me too.”

They could not make love for fear of the other sides hearing them, but they did not want to anyway. They were just excited to be able to sleep next to each other for a full night for the first time ever.

They got dressed in their pyjamas and began to settle into bed.

Patton got into bed first, then Janus.

“Come here!” Patton said as he enveloped his arms around Janus. Janus returned the embrace, snuggling close to Patton. He happily sighed.

“I want to stay here forever.” He closed his eyes.

Patton giggled, planting a kiss on his head.

They then fell asleep, so warm in each other’s arms.

No one knocked during the night. Even if they did, it would not stir the lovers that were so deep in their sleep, finally sharing a night together.

  
  


Janus woke up first. The feeling of waking up still next to Patton sent a rush of euphoria through him. He was no longer hugging him, but he had his hand on his chest. He snuggled closer to him, kissing his chin, which was the nearest thing to him. He sighed and relaxed.

Patton continued to sleep for another 20 minutes, which Janus was just content lying next to him and thinking about how happy he was.

He heard Patton let out a groan and shift, then he felt his hand on his arm. 

Janus looked up to him. “Good morning.”

“Good morning.” Patton yawned. “How long have you been awake?”

“Not long.” Janus then leaned over and kissed him, which Patton gladly accepted, bringing his arms up around him.

Janus pulled away, and Patton tiredly smiled up at him. He stroked his hair and face lovingly. Janus leaned down to kiss him again.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. They both jumped and Janus quickly got off from on top of Patton. They both stared, wide eyed at the door.

“Patton!! Logan is making pancakes!!! You up?” 

Virgil.

“Yes, kiddo!!! I’ll be right down!”

“Kay!” Then they heard his footsteps walk away.

Janus let out a sigh of relief as he sat up. “Fuck.” He whispered. “I should go.” He started to get out of bed. He stood up, facing away from Patton, clicked his fingers and he was in his regular outfit. 

As he was preoccupied with straightening his cape, he felt warm arms encircle his waist. A rush of warmth went through him when he felt them. He looked down and saw Patton’s face leaning against his hip.

“I love you.” He said, smiling up at him. There was something about Patton’s dishevelled hair and the fact that he was not wearing his glasses yet that made that certain love confession so much more profound in Janus’ heart. He brought a hand to hold and caress his face, which Patton accepted like he was a cat being pet.

“I love you too.” He said softly. Then Patton retreated back onto the bed and Janus turned around. He walked a step forward, bent down and gave Patton a brief kiss.

“Bye, sunflower.” He straightened back up.

“Bye, lovey. Have a nice day!” Patton waved at him.

“You too.” A smile crept onto his face. He lingered, taking in Patton’s smiling face, then sunk out.

Patton sighed. It always felt like Janus left too soon.

He felt sad to see him leave and felt quite lonely in his absence, but he could not deny how lovely it was to wake up next to him and feel so in love. He hoped that they could do it again soon.

Janus rose up in the garden. He took a moment to acknowledge that he was alone again. It made him feel a little sad, but he could not deny how happy he felt to have spent an entire night next to the one he loved, and he was able to wake up to him and share good morning kisses with him. He couldn’t help but let his mind wander to what more there could be if they weren’t constrained to secrecy. They could make love with the sun pouring through the window. They could enjoy breakfast together, snuggling on the sofa. They could just be a couple and be free to be so.

His heart still ached a little, but the smile on his face helped to make the pain feel distant. He made his way back with a little more spring in his step.

  
  
  


As Virgil walked back downstairs, he wondered why Patton had his door locked. It was never usually locked. Patton was always open to visitors. He thought he would ask about it when Patton came down for breakfast.


End file.
